A few thoughts as we complete the Home Study

Not sure I, (Amber) realized how this journey could feel like a tug of war between beauty and sadness.

Yesterday we had a wonderful social worker come to our home for a little over 3 hours to sit and talk with us about family history, parenting, becoming a transracial & transcultural family and a few other things. She asked good questions and I felt so much sincerity in her heart as she encouraged us to use our support network as much as possible when our little one comes home. The time passed quickly, and before I knew it, she left and said our report will be ready in a couple weeks.

As I closed the door, I scrambled around to finish supper and get ready to go teach for the evening. It felt so surreal to have a big step done in this process. On Wednesday night, I get to teach Bethel courses up at Southwestern Michigan College and as I  drove through the beautiful winding roads up to SMC, with the sun starting to go down over the trees, I felt a sense of excitement wash over me. Kind of a, "We did it! We made it through the home study!" (side note: it wasn't terrible or anything- just lots to do & put together) :)

Anyway- my elation was short lived. This may sound odd but try to follow me here. I was excited to get one step closer on this adoption journey. But getting one step closer in the adoption journey also means that somewhere in Ethiopia there a mommy (maybe with a growing belly) that will not be able to care for a child the way she wants to. It may be due to disease, or poverty, or who knows what else.

I read somewhere** that another adoptive mom was writing about how their adoptive child was not necessarily "supposed" to be a part of their family- to clarify, that their child was not somehow destined by God to be with them (instead of the birth parents) in His miraculous plan. In God's original plan, there would be no disease, no devastating poverty. Moms & Dads would be able to care for and love their kids anywhere on the planet in the way their hearts desire. However- sin entered back in the Garden of Eden and we live in a fallen world with disease and devastating poverty. She described it much more eloquently than I did here but the point is, that there is much grief, and sadness that takes place first. Sadness and loss of a mommy, a daddy, a child, extended relatives, a community that finds itself unable to care for orphaned children in the way they WANT to.

And for a moment- as I drove to teach eager students about the world around them, I felt the sting. I felt the sadness that is inevitable for our little girl and her birth family. And then, I cried- tears of sadness for the loss. tears of humble gratitude that God would call us to provide a family after that loss, and tears of joy, that yes- we made it through the home study.

Blessings friends- thank you for praying with us this week. Next step- Dossier!



**please forgive me for not remembering what blog it was from- if I recall and find it, I will certainly add it here and give credit.