Now what??

Oh, friends-
      First we just want to say thank you so very much for your love & prayers over the last month or so. Also- thank you so much for a bit of space while we process all of the changes.

When we learned about the unlikelihood of our Ethiopian adoption coming to fruition, we were given the deadline of June 1st to decide what we would do with that information.
Our options were:
1.) Stay in Ethiopia, going against the concern & warning of our agency
2.) Transfer to a different international adoption program
3.) Transfer to a domestic adoption program
4.) Completely stop the adoption journey

We spent the month thinking, praying and investigating the 4 options. In the end, we felt the tug on our hearts for adoption still so strong, that ending the journey all together just was not a fit for us.

Soo- (drum-roll please)
With renewed hope, on June 1st we officially transferred to a domestic adoption program with the same agency we had been working with in Michigan. Even though they had to make some difficult calls re: the Ethiopian program; we trust them, and their wisdom & experience in adoption.

Things have been FLYING since the decision was made. Between June 2-4th we completed all the medical and legal appointments, and forms for a home study update. On Friday June 5th we had a home study visit. Then this week, Mon & Tues we completed the domestic adoption training required (over the phone) with the agency we are working with. The whole home study update and program change process should be fully complete in 2-3 weeks. Then, all we have left to complete is the online profile and we are available to birth mothers.

Thank You for your support and care. We are so lucky to have the supportive family and friends around us. Please pray with us that we stay energized, and take things one day at a time. Pray that we will not grow overwhelmed, and can focus on the joy of this journey no matter how fast or slow it goes.

Much Love-
Amber, Josh & Noah

Pain

We are hurting friends, big time. To say I am heartbroken to be writing this post is the understatement of the decade.

I never imagined the pain of  “adoption loss,” but we are learning all about it as our 3 year journey to adopt from Ethiopia is now over.

I could probably go months without writing this; however, over a hundred of you have loved and supported us. You have worked hard with us, prayed with us, fund-raised with us, and encouraged us. So, this isn’t our journey alone. Your love and support makes this your journey too.

Four days ago, we were sitting at #38 on the waiting list. At 1pm that day, all of the families in the Ethiopia program (through our adoption agency) were asked to participate in a conference call. In that call, we received the heartbreaking news that our agency is advising families without a referral to move on.  The agency is not “closing” officially in Ethiopia yet because they want to maintain accreditation in Ethiopia for 11 “stuck” families who have referrals but don’t have their children home. They want to see these stuck families through until the end, if it is possible. After that, it is highly likely that they will exit the country, unless something drastically changes in the government processing and approval of adoptions. There are a lot more details I could stick in here & many questions without any answers; however, it feels like none of that really matters at this point.

All we know is that this child whom we longed for, prayed for, planned for, hoped for, has slipped through our fingers. After 3 years of walking this journey, the dream (as we currently understand it) is just….. gone.

We don’t know what is “next.” So we ask that you please, please don’t ask. There is a season of grieving that we just have to walk through first before we can even think about “next.”

Please pray with us and the other (appx) 50 families in our agency who received the same news this past Friday.

Pray for healing.

Pray for peace.

Most importantly, pray for the countless orphans in Ethiopia who need families and need homes, with a government that has shifted and made it almost impossible to provide a family for those children. Our hearts are heavy for these kiddos, though our pain is great, it doesn’t even compare to the children longing for a mommy or daddy to tuck them in each night.

One of the other adoption moms shared this after the conference call, and it brought a small spark of light and perspective to our wounded souls, so I will share with you too:

"When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will."--Jen Hatmaker

Love-

Josh, Amber & Noah

Fear & Gumbo

           Ever since a 2007 trip to New Orleans, I've thought about trying to recreate some of the amazing food I ate while there. There aren’t a whole lot of Creole or Cajun options up here in northern Indiana (shocker) and every once in a while it would creep into my mind, “maaaaybe I could try to make that.”  Immediately followed by, “NO WAY, it’ll be a disaster, you’ll burn the roux (after working on it for 40 minutes) and have to start all over again! AAAAAH!”   Then, like a healthy, normal person I’d push the thought to the back recesses of my brain and make something else. Something….safe. Something I knew I couldn’t screw up too badly, and you know what?  I didn’t screw it up- it would turn out fabulous. Fabulous, and safe.

            Now, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a novice cook. I’m no pro by any means, but I know my way around the kitchen. For me, cooking is a bit cathartic and even fun. I LOVE it! The more pots and pans scattered around the kitchen afterward, the better. So yesterday, I decided that it’s just time to try this real deal, pretty authentic gumbo, roux and all. Roux is tricky- takes patience and has to be done just right, so I had heard. Cook it all through until deep chocolaty brown; but stopping before it burns (which is a very fine line).  So, I researched recipes till my eyeballs were going to fall out and then just WENT FOR IT! While cooking the roux, I was nervous, “do I know what I’m doing? I don’t want to be the wife that ruins Valentine’s dinner during the blizzard when we can’t go get take-out if it is a disaster.” Not over exaggerating here folks- a legit BLIZZARD with our county under a travel ban. Bless it. 

So, I stuck some Cajun tunes on Spotify. That is a MUST in my cooking world by the way- tunes must match the cuisine and there also must be dancing while cooking. A lot of dancing, a little dancing, it really doesn’t matter; as long as it is dancing. Noah joined me today. I told him the more we danced, the better dinner would taste. I had to say something to buy time over the 2-hour cooking process.  But my, oh, my- we DANCED. Danced and stirred, danced and waited.

            Anyway, you know what? That beautiful pot of Gumbo may easily have been the best thing I have ever made. Ever. I would have never known if I didn't just try it.

            I waited 8 years to try making that Gumbo. I waited, because I didn’t know how it would turn out. It feels silly talking all serious about a pot of stew, but you know what, there are so many things (little and big) that we wait on, or don’t do. So many times, the reason is nerves, fear, or insecurity. Dumb, Dumb, and Dumb.  I’m calling you out fear. Peace out.

Life Lessons at the bottom of the Gumbo Pot:

1.) DON"T be scared.

2.) No more waiting- do it.

3.) When nervous or anxious, a good life option is to just DANCE IT OUT.

Love,

Amber