Pain

We are hurting friends, big time. To say I am heartbroken to be writing this post is the understatement of the decade.

I never imagined the pain of  “adoption loss,” but we are learning all about it as our 3 year journey to adopt from Ethiopia is now over.

I could probably go months without writing this; however, over a hundred of you have loved and supported us. You have worked hard with us, prayed with us, fund-raised with us, and encouraged us. So, this isn’t our journey alone. Your love and support makes this your journey too.

Four days ago, we were sitting at #38 on the waiting list. At 1pm that day, all of the families in the Ethiopia program (through our adoption agency) were asked to participate in a conference call. In that call, we received the heartbreaking news that our agency is advising families without a referral to move on.  The agency is not “closing” officially in Ethiopia yet because they want to maintain accreditation in Ethiopia for 11 “stuck” families who have referrals but don’t have their children home. They want to see these stuck families through until the end, if it is possible. After that, it is highly likely that they will exit the country, unless something drastically changes in the government processing and approval of adoptions. There are a lot more details I could stick in here & many questions without any answers; however, it feels like none of that really matters at this point.

All we know is that this child whom we longed for, prayed for, planned for, hoped for, has slipped through our fingers. After 3 years of walking this journey, the dream (as we currently understand it) is just….. gone.

We don’t know what is “next.” So we ask that you please, please don’t ask. There is a season of grieving that we just have to walk through first before we can even think about “next.”

Please pray with us and the other (appx) 50 families in our agency who received the same news this past Friday.

Pray for healing.

Pray for peace.

Most importantly, pray for the countless orphans in Ethiopia who need families and need homes, with a government that has shifted and made it almost impossible to provide a family for those children. Our hearts are heavy for these kiddos, though our pain is great, it doesn’t even compare to the children longing for a mommy or daddy to tuck them in each night.

One of the other adoption moms shared this after the conference call, and it brought a small spark of light and perspective to our wounded souls, so I will share with you too:

"When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will."--Jen Hatmaker

Love-

Josh, Amber & Noah